There are many unfounded beliefs about love.
In modern times and especially in Western culture, a model of affectivity called romantic love has been forged , which is rooted in the idea of monogamous bonds and stable relationships resistant to all difficulties. This has given rise to innumerable myths that invade the mentality of society, making love and relationships something deceptive.
Although it is relatively easy to fall in love, learning to love is not so easy. And in love, both communication and the ability to solve problems are aspects that must be worked on within the relationship, and that cannot be solved by letting Cupid do his thing.
What is a myth?
A myth is a belief, one more component within a whole structure of creeds shared by a culture or society, which accepts them as true. In general, myths usually constitute a simplification of some aspect of reality and have the ability to influence, to a greater or lesser degree, our behavior.
These beliefs give the impression of being based on the objectivity that surrounds us, but although sometimes it is difficult to distinguish them, they are not; which leads the person to commit a series of avoidable errors .
Myths, both those related to romantic love and to any other field, usually act unconsciously on people; And although many of them may seem obviously wrong when reading the following beliefs, they exert a strong influence on the idea that people have of love.
Each person has their own mythology of love, based on their personal, family or cultural experiences. However, it is thanks to the media, cinema, literature, etc. that these beliefs have intensely invaded the mental framework of society, introducing into it ideas such as that true love lasts forever, that there is only one person in the world who is perfect for us, or that jealousy is a guarantee of love.
Types of myths about romantic love
Due to the long duration that the impact of the idea of romantic love has had on current culture, there are many myths that roam the imagination of people.
With the aim of disarming these beliefs, or at least making the reader a little more aware of them, this article includes a small compilation of the most popular and possibly harmful myths of the romantic scene .
1. Love can do everything
Despite the temptation of believing it when seeing it written, the idea that if there is love in a relationship, this is a sufficient guarantee to overcome any problem, is absurd. This myth also works in the opposite direction, leading us to think that if there are problems, there is no love .
This belief leads us to think that in relationships considered perfect, people do not have any type of conflict between them, and that respect, trust and communication come as standard along with love.
The possible consequences of this myth are, first of all, early or unnecessary breakups by not seeking solutions to specific problems , and an even more damaging consequence for the person, which is that they endure any type of harmful situation or humiliation for the sake of love, because this heals everything and everything can.
2. Love at first sight
This superstition ranges from the belief in crushes to the idea that chance interferes in some way to bring about a meeting between two people destined to be together.
In any case, although the existence of a powerful affinity or attraction facilitates the beginning of any relationship, the belief in this powerful attraction leads the person to not be able to perceive reality clearly , or even see what truly does not exist.
Ultimately, this myth leads people to ignore relationships with very high nurturing potential because they haven’t started with a passionate match, or to otherwise interpret this fiery “passionality” as proof of love.
3. The better half
The long-awaited and persecuted better half. The paradigm that encompasses this myth is that there is only one person throughout the world who is ideal for each one.
The main conflict with this belief is the frustration it can generate when it is internalized as a rigid pattern. Leading the person to cling to a bond just because they think that they will never find another being so perfect for them and, furthermore, to think that after a breakup the possibilities are over.
Likewise, if one takes into consideration that the concept of perfection is a pure ideal, it is practically impossible for anyone to fit into those schemes that the person imagines . The search can be, if anything, even more daunting.
4. The right person fills all aspects of life
Phrases such as “we must share all our tastes and hobbies”, “we are responsible for the happiness of the other”, “we are one person”, etc. fit into this myth.
Surely, the reader will recognize all these phrases heard in the mouth of others or even oneself; but when read out of context, these expressions fall under their own weight.
The effects of these affirmations are innumerable, and in the great majority of negative cases; being the most important that of originating an obsession to find another person to start living, to make dreams come true or even to start being happy.
5. Full sexual rapport is irrefutable proof of love
This myth walks a little hand in hand with that of love at first sight. In it, the person firmly believes that if her love is true , sexual relations will always be amazingly good .
It is true that a healthy and fulfilling sexual life is important in the development of a relationship, but neither love is a guarantee of this, nor is good sex a guarantee of love. It is absolutely necessary to know both your own body and that of the other person, and to work on sexuality just as you work on any other aspect of the relationship.
6. When you are in love it is not possible to feel attraction for another person
However, at this point the reality is very different. Starting from the idea that love does not paralyze the disposition to feel attracted to others and that fidelity is a social construct, in which it is the couple themselves who decide what kind of commitment they want to acquire ; it is very common to experience some kind of affinity with other people without this meaning that the partner is no longer loved, leaving it up to the person himself to establish the limits of this attraction.
7. Jealousy is a test of love
The myth of love par excellence; being justified and fought almost equally.
In reality, experiencing jealousy is only an indicator of the threshold of anguish at the idea of another person taking what is considered their own by right. That which the person believes corresponds to receive exclusively.
Jealousy is simply a demonstration of the fear of losing what is perceived as a possession, that is, the other person.
8. My partner is perfect, he has no flaws
Seeing your partner as an idealization is not something that is desirable in the relationship because we will always see ourselves disappointed and the other pressured to be something that they are not.
During the period of falling in love it is common to say “You are perfect” but as time goes by we all notice something in the other that does not check us even if at first it seemed good to us now it seems terrible, it is normal and it is better to see if we are able to accept it without changing the other person, mature love is the acceptance of a complete human being with everything that is, if we are able to love him like this we will not suffer because he is not as we imagine him and the other will not carry an image that does not correspond with his being.
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9. If he loves me he will change for me
The change in a person comes from the personal decision and the work he does on himself. The love towards the couple is not enough to make us change and it does not mean that if we do not change we do not love with all our being, there are things that are part of ourselves that we should not have to sacrifice for a relationship.
10. If the intense passion of the beginning disappears, it means that love is over
At the end of the period of falling in love it seems that the “flame” of love has gone out and sexual encounters may not be as often or as intense, a couple who spends the period of falling in love and decides to be together with virtues and defects is the couple that they have managed to reach the stage of “mature love” at this stage is when they can realistically propose a life project or accompaniment, sexual encounters will be more intimate and the couple’s approach will be deeper;
Sometimes the bewilderment and misinformation on this subject frightens the members of the couple, making them feel distant, like everything, if it is communicated and treated, they do not have to feel that the passion “turns off”, it only transforms.
11. There is a person who will fill me up and I will no longer feel alone, my better half.
The gaps are our own and we must work individually to learn where they come from, if the gap is our own, something in our history, another person will never be able to fill it.
We are taught to think that we are incomplete until we have a partner, that that person will make us complete, but there is much more to ourselves than we think, enough to be complete beings.
Happiness is something that is shared, it cannot be demanded from another person. Happy and complete people will feel that way together or apart; people who feel incomplete alone will never feel satisfied even if they are with someone else.
12. True love there is only one in life
It is said that you only really love yourself once and if you let yourself go you will never find yourself again. This belief is related to the one that says that “love forgives and can do anything” because if we believe these things we are not willing to leave relationships that can be destructive.
We think that destiny will not send us someone better to be with and we must endure “everything” to save the relationship, but the world is very big and if we work on ourselves we will realize that we are capable of having better relationships and that there are many people who are willing to have a healthy relationship, not by destiny but by choice.
13. Fate always sends me bad partners, I never imagined it would be like this
Although it sounds hard to believe, we unconsciously look for partners that help us repeat patterns of our history, many times we choose “bad partners” to try to solve problems that we could not solve as children or adolescents, to make aware of the type of couples that we choose and why will help us choose better partners.
We are much more than someone with a partner, learning to see yourself like this is also learning to choose better partners who are also diverse and complete beings.
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14. The love conquers all
Love is not the solution to problems. Having a partner is not the end of your anguish for not having one, nor does it mean being happy at all times. Separately, we are all individuals with our own processes and we have an inner world that is enriched thanks to love, but not because of it.
The couple goes through hard phases, of recognition and reflection, which must be known how to face in case it is best to separate.
And the fact of loving a person is not a reason to continue with her, there are many other reasons to keep a partner, watch out there.
15. Happy forever
That emphasis on a hypothetical eternity has caused a lot of pain in the past, when the laws required staying in a relationship through marriage . Today many things have changed, but there is still a trace left in that “forever”, which is toxic and slows down when it comes to breaking up, separations or divorces, when the best and healthiest option, sometimes and for both parts, is to walk away.
16. Love is Hard
No. For love one should not suffer (as we have heard, for example, in many songs: “For love I would be capable of all suffering…” ). A healthy relationship goes through potholes, yes, but it does not consist of a constant ‘pull and push’ that only brings instability.
Here we remind you of several examples of toxic relationships that were hidden behind this romantic myth .
Do you know any other cliché related to false romanticism?
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