Between commitment and the need for freedom, some people find it difficult to give their hearts and a marriage proposal does not always arouse as much enthusiasm as one would like.
Fear of loving and committing: what are they hiding?
The fear of loving is more and more present in our society because of the increasing number of divorces. And what about the marriage proposal, which can bring back the fear of commitment in your partner and send back an image of imprisonment and a loss of freedom.
From the fear of loving…
Who has never heard from someone’s mouth “I don’t feel ready for a serious relationship”? Some refuse married life despite the time spent together. It is important to understand this fear called relationship transference.
The biggest fear for this kind of person is losing something they already have. It is therefore important to take an interest in the false barriers of this person and to reassure him about what puts him off the most and about what seems important to him. You have to use the right words and arguments to prove to him that a serious relationship is not synonymous with confinement.
It would turn out that men live in the past and see their future relationship from the experiences they have had with their former partners. To prevent this fear of commitment, the key to success lies in circumventing the couple barriers by other signals such as seduction, smile, happiness and complicity.
For someone who is not afraid of commitment, the most disturbing and difficult thing to understand is that what he feels is very real and that his partner, despite his fear, also has feelings. However, the anguish of seeing his freedom disappear was the strongest. This person has then already imagined being linked to someone, having emotional responsibilities and being deprived of going out with their friends while having to stay locked up with you.
Also, sometimes our own behavior can be challenged by loving too much. Indeed, the more these people feel our love and signs of tenderness, the more they will tend to flee, feeling trapped. They will then want to cut it short although they have budding feelings. And although this type of person would like to commit, fear will win out, so it will either sabotage the relationship or it will disappear when everything was fine.
The fear of romantic commitment is a protective armor that you can quickly get used to. How to recognize it? This person often suffers from his incapacity, he recognizes it himself and cannot do anything or hides it by immersing himself in work.
Let it be said, it is difficult to admit being afraid to commit for a lifetime, although this fear is understandable. Some even never admit this fear and think they have no problem with it. Moreover, the affective reassurance obtained by marriage works against desire.
This tendency to not engage is very likely to have its source in a childhood wound, by an absent, resigning or still distant parent. But not only that, it can also come from disappointments in love that have forged an unflattering self-image, we then see ourselves as a person who has nothing to offer.
A real question too: how many children whose parents have divorced still believe in marriage? And even if some of them think that marriage is something lasting and possible, their reaction often says the opposite.
These people close themselves to the possibility of fully living a relationship by refusing to expose themselves to the risk of being hurt or close the possibility of living a new relationship. And yes, how to build a solid couple yourself when our own parents were unable to do so?
These individuals unconsciously seek to avoid suffering again at all costs, experiencing a breakup would plunge them back into the past.
Because whether we like it or not, we often reproduce what our parents taught us. You must then be able to discover something else and begin on the unknown.
Read also | Rebuilding a Past Relationship
What hides this resistance to commitment?
Resistance to commitment is often linked to a failing self-esteem. A fear of not living up to our expectations and the ideal that we have built for ourselves. The question of marriage raises the question: “Will I be sufficiently attentive, tender, loving… in the face of the constraints of daily life and duration?”.
But we shouldn’t see it that way, but rather as a commitment to oneself, an opportunity to reassure oneself of one’s own value thanks to our half who has elected us as the only one. Loving over time comes into confrontation with our own limits. An exercise that some do not want to try.
How to remedy this?
You have to set progressive goals, taking a stand in situations that you would have avoided before, whether in your personal or professional life. Day by day, decide to make commitments, but do not think too much, success is in action.
And if fear is likely to paralyze you, try to get help to improve yourself over time.
It is important to determine and change the conscious and unconscious beliefs that feed us to overcome them. You have to let go and live a detachment from these beliefs, free yourself from them, to acquire new beneficial programming.
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