Why do people change their attitude?
Has it ever happened to you that a friend or family member has radically changed their attitude and you don’t know why? Maybe before he cared about you and now he barely talks to you? Did he seem like the nicest person to you and now you can hardly stand him? Why does a man or a woman suddenly change their attitude?
At Psychology-Online we believe that it is important to know the reasons and for this reason we explain below why people change their attitude .
As a general rule, people do not change their attitude, but they have always been that way but for some reasons we have not seen it until that moment. This is usually because we formed the wrong idea about their way of being. Sometimes we get carried away by love and others by wanting them to be the way we want or by the simple fact of wanting to connect.
On other occasions, that person may have really been behaving in a specific way seeking to be accepted, to avoid something or someone, or to cover some need. But sooner or later the true personality emerges and we can observe a change of attitude that dismantles everything we thought we knew about the subject in question.
Therefore, the first and most common reason for observing a change in attitude is that the person has always been like this and we are the ones who had a biased vision, either because it showed us only a part of him or her or because our expectations and desires made us see a distorted reality. Although this is common, there are changes in attitude that are caused by specific reasons. They can be temporary or permanent changes.
Other reasons why people change their attitude are:
After a crucial event such as an accident, a separation, the death of a family member or overcoming a serious illness; Many people change their attitude towards life. This happens because your priorities and your values undergo a change.
Let’s say that this event makes them have a different attitude towards life. In the following article we explain How to overcome an existential crisis .
When someone is not satisfied with their qualities and wants to be the best version of themselves, they begin to make changes in their lives.
Normally starting with internal changes, attitudes, priorities, self-concept, etc. And ending with changes in their routines and physical changes.
Constant disappointments often lead to a negative view of life and an attitude accordingly. Here you will find activities for personal development .
Appearance of a psychological disorder . Develop a psychological disorder such as anxiety or depression ; or a latent one that had not yet appeared, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder ; they can also cause a change in attitude and affect different areas.
Consuming drugs affects the way people are and act, with the corresponding change in attitude that this entails. On the other hand, a period of abstinence after a continuous period of consumption can cause sadness, anxiety, anger… and its consequent change of attitude.
Why has your attitude towards me changed?
If the change in attitude is not general but you only notice it with their behavior towards you, it may be for one of these reasons:
If your relationship is very close (friends or close friends, close relatives and even a partner), it may be that other issues are affecting him but because of the friction and trust they make you the victims of his frustration.
The closest people are the ones who best perceive changes in someone’s behavior or attitude.
Change of interests.
Another reason that usually appears and that is not a dish of good taste, is that you are no longer useful to that person. Maybe the relationship worked well when he wanted to get something from you and that has changed. Producing a distance and a change in the relationship.
Change of feelings.
If the person who has changed their attitude is your partner, it is possible that her feelings have changed and that is manifested in a change in behavior towards you. It may also be that something has made you angry or disappointed and is keeping you hidden. In that case, we recommend you read this article on How to solve relationship problems .
Third-party comments about you or unclarified misunderstandings continually appear as reasons for a change in attitude.
They can be unique reasons or a combination of them, but the fact is that until we understand it, we feel confused about it.
How to deal with a change in attitude.
If the relationship with that person matters to you, it is best to put your pride aside and talk about what has changed in her or him with respect to you. The reason may have a solution. The main tips to take into account to act before a change of attitude:
Try to put yourself in his place to understand the change in attitude, empathize and try to understand the reasons for his behavior.
Whether your relationship improves or not, if his attitude is affecting you, let him know assertively. Calmly and respectfully explain how you feel about it. The relationship may not be the same again but you will feel calmer. Speak from what you believe, think and feel, without attacking the other person.
Let go, don’t hold on . When none of the above works or you really prefer to keep that person in their new place or even out of your life, just let it be and walk away.
Sometimes certain relationships become harmful for us and it is better not to insist on waiting for the waters to return to their course because it does not always happen.
Why do women change
There are many times throughout a woman’s life when it is about observing differences and changes in the body.
One of the first differences that a girl registers, after the adult-child difference and in times of sexuation, is the difference between the sexes. Seed of the feeling of female devaluation if this is not processed, sometimes it requires a job to check that we girls do not lack anything, that’s how we are! unlike the boys.
If this is processed, on the other hand, it leaves the woman more apt than the man to solve what has to do with the failure, the lack, the consolation for the failure, the acceptance of the error, etc.
It is the female ornament, jewelry, clothing, cosmetics that since time immemorial and in all cultures was and will be the heritage of women to cover this lack in the body, this difference, and approach it with a veil so that its body attracts the man and he is not only not horrified by this difference, but he is delighted with the body of a woman.
The image of one’s own body that merges with the gaze of the loved ones who constituted it does not often coincide with the real image, so that women little endowed with the attributes that advertising sells, feel beautiful and others, even models, They do not finish feeling satisfied with their body to the point that we usually say that a woman is as beautiful as they made her believe she is.
Since always and also in all cultures, male sexuality sets its sights on a woman’s body, unlike female sexuality, which puts its ear to listen to the position in which the man presents himself, which is usually known as the ” verse” that he proposes.
Dealing with a woman’s body is for a girl from a young age to find herself on a path that will always unfold, if things went well, in order to keep the path that will make her a woman, desirable for a man, and the one that will allow her to become a mother.
It is the appearance of the secondary characters, the growth of the breasts that begins to become noticeable and the appearance of pubic hair that will indicate the girl’s entry into puberty to wait for her menarche or first menstruation. The girl is thus biologically able to become pregnant, which is not the same as considering her emotionally fit to be a mother.
This stage lays the foundation for the following times, since it is the moment in which a new entrance for the girl is situated, which will give access or not to women’s own themes.
It is from the beginning of the long path of adolescent sexuality that a woman will have to face biological changes in her body which she will be able to take charge of or not.
The human being, the speaker, is born with an anatomical sex, but becoming a man or a woman is not a natural fact, it is a fact of culture, of civilization, and parents allow it to enter.
Homosexuality is the proof that we must achieve an identity that responds to the anatomical sex with which we are born and this is not always the case.
Human reproduction is not natural, the proof is that there are people who do not want to have children. Human sexuality is not natural either, the human being, unlike dogs, does not mate by biological jealousy, but by desire and love.
Taking responsibility for having been born a woman, if things went well, that is, if she is considered a woman, if she is called a woman, if she was expected or accepted as a woman, if she can ask herself what a woman is.
Then she faces a girl from her adolescence with these issues of women and with the use of her body if she can appropriate these changes to which biology sometimes and sometimes simply the desire for certain issues or life decisions lead her.
If the relationship to the body requires forgetting about it, that is, dealing with it without it occupying the entire scene, for a woman the body takes the main scene several times in life and in the fragmentation of its image in the mirror, many times he finds a look insufficient.
Seduction, sexual initiation, the symbolic marriage rites of different cultures, the administration of reproduction, the first pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, open a path of appropriation of one’s own body and its changes together with the conservation of the modesty, that is to say that there are things that are shown to men and others that are spoken and said only between women.
These truths, that men know but do not like to share, have been the subject of long debates by feminist groups that therefore consider women subservient to men.
Although we are not against the social claims of women that at the labor and citizen level we should have the same rights as men and in some cases more, maternity leave, breastfeeding, etc., there are other issues, however, that, it is not that They cannot be shared, but they have better results if they are not shared with men.
They can survey men and they will see that they prefer to see a woman “produced” to go out for a walk than to witness the act of hair removal even if it is from the eyebrows, not to mention the crotch. The hygiene of menstruation, the cures of an episiotomy, the daily placement of a diaphragm are issues that women prefer not to share.
The game of desire and love of the human male-female originates many times in the lure that a woman dares to give to a man, even though he is convinced that it was he who approached her.
What are the changes in menopause, to go fully into the subject?. And what is necessary to transact between women?
In principle, we must differentiate those biological changes typical of menopause that are based on the general state in which a woman finds herself, from those changes that, due to occurring simultaneously with menopause, can be mistakenly attributed to her. The biological changes that may or may not accompany this moment of dryness in the vagina and on the skin, hot flashes, propensity to gain weight, triggered by associated organic diseases such as the very common thyroid conditions, etc. These can be treated with allopathic hormone replacement or homeopathic drugs according to the shared decision between the patient and the professional.
To lower my starting decks, there would be no need to place more changes than in any of the aforementioned vital crises: such as the time of menarche, the time of sexual initiation, the time of passage to the condition of being or not in partner, the time of access or not to motherhood. This is the time of entry to maturity
When one stage ends and another begins, some things are lost from the stage that is left but with the consolation prize of others that have not yet been lived and that promise.
The big difference with the vital crisis that concerns us today, menopause, is that sometimes it is experienced. Due to the end of the fertility that it entails, but also due to the coincidence with the age of the children, who begin their departure from home, the well-known “empty nest” syndrome, as of irreplaceable loss.
The stages that lie ahead in this opportunity, on the other hand, have more to do with the fact that a woman has found before this time the possibilities of unfolding into a mother and a woman and some task that she is passionate about and not only has dedicated her life to whom she satisfactorily or not one day they leave, which are the children.
Sometimes this task is found and lost with retirement, with the social economic changes of a country, which can find the subject in a delicate situation.
If in fact the previous stages that were abandoned to term, having fulfilled what one wanted and expected are irreplaceable, even more painful is the loss if the expectations were not fulfilled, for example of having a partner to have a child, or not having could have for various reasons.
This is precisely a stage that finds us turning the corner of life, a corner that is not just any. Although we still have a third of our lives to live, the changes that are coming fit less with the ideals that consumer society proposes as a false recipe for happiness: youth.
I say false because, as Oscar Wilde would say, “youth is wasted on the young” since this attribute, “youth”, is valued, sometimes detracting from the ability that is acquired to enjoy life when we are no longer so young, and when precisely it can be recorded that we must take a good bite out of life, that it ends for everyone anyway.
In the first place, we learned the irreversible nature of time, since it is not a matter of choice to go back in time, it is simply impossible, that is why it is not about continuing to postpone long-delayed decisions.
I would even say that the irreversible nature of time at each juncture of life finds us with what we lost and with what of us was irretrievably lost.
One is not worried about time when it is too much, but when it is lacking.
We could then stay on the lane, why not?
Perhaps it has always been this way for someone, and if they lived tragically every event of their life, surely it will be this way with their menopause.
Or we could take this milestone as an opportunity to tell ourselves that if it ever was like this, or if it was always like this, this time it might stop being like that, since life is short, so much time was wasted, but as long as we are alive, something we can do differently with what happens to us today.
That is why the psychoanalytic consultation allows us to clear up previous questions to which menopause is added and a reflection group with women in climacteric time, like the one proposed here, allows us to find out what is similar and what is different that happens to our fellow man.
Where I would like to stop is to underline that if there were any “preventive task” that psychoanalysis could suggest – because psychoanalysis, unlike psychology, does not do prevention – in the first place it depends on how they are meant, how they are counted and to whom, As the biological changes are said, this is how this crisis will be experienced. And secondly, it will depend on the neurosis of the person in question what will be the way of absorbing this change or not.
You might think that sharing all this with your partner is necessary, however, why convince him that he is with an old woman if one doesn’t even look like that yet?
There are men who are so suggestible, Roland Barthes would say in “Fragments of Love Discourse”, in which the image of a woman loses consistency by visualizing “just a small dot on her nose”. By this I mean that there are “points on the nose” to which it is better to put a veil for the man’s gaze.
One of the issues that most concerns some women is the idea of a lack of sexual libido. I say the idea because many times changes in the couple’s relationship are attributed to menopause and the influence of the simultaneous changes in the partner’s sexual potency should be reviewed.
The relationship to death and aging, in a culture where the mature is not registered as wisdom of life but as disposable.
The position against religion when a child is no longer the horizon of sexual desire.
The previous inhibitions or taboos, or simply if menopause is taken as a trigger for a couple tiredness that comes dragging, are different. Proof of this is the number of women who report an increase in their sexual libido, but coincidentally many of them have undergone psychoanalysis or the third or fourth partner and medicine does not have statistics on that. Sexuality is the stage where the other depressions are played.
Read also | Tips for a Healthy Teen Dating
It is a vital crisis because it happens to all of us, unlike an accident or trauma, war, fire or explosion, but being vital does not mean that it happens in the same way for everyone. They are not accidental, they are vital, of real change, but they can be experienced with humor and not as a tragedy. Humor is not a position that can be assumed by decree, it is the perspective with which someone can be back from an inescapable knowledge about death to simply address each end.
Not making a universe of “Menopausal women” but evaluating and attending to each case individually would be the function of an interdisciplinary team. Each woman must discover HER diet, HER gym, HER type of hormone replacement, or HER exclusion from that treatment.
Combined care does nothing more, but also does nothing less than fulfill the “head” unification function that each one requires in order not to be fragmented into multiple consultations with specialists.
And finally, menopause is not the final milestone but perhaps the first milestone of maturity. When reparative surgeries no longer rejuvenate, CREATION is for men and women, the only consolation for finitude.
Visit Jaysteky for more relationship tips